Beating the 1%

We did it. We beat the 1% slump.  And it feels gooood. A task that seemed so silly but felt unattainable and like we were climbing Mt. Everest without any training.

• 1% chance of having a baby with a congenital condition.
• 1% chance you will get a spinal headache.
• 1% chance it was a seizure and not just him coming out of the paralytic and sedation.

I could go on with all the statistics we were told but you get the point. All things doctors who we really respect and played key rolls in our journey with Ezra told us rightly so.  But someone has to be the statistic and we were that 1% that didn't go right. Which is where the fear and anxiety spurred with the delivery our new bundle of joy came from.  But we beat the small odds of all the 1% chances that something will go wrong during the delivery and he is here and filling our hearts with unexplainable joy and happiness.

Some people have asked what delivery day was like.  It was surreal.  The previous Friday when we went in and ended up with the heart rate fluctuation was reassurance that the c-section was the right choice for us. I refused to look at my vital signs this time during the procedure and just had Jeff's reassurance.  Last c-section involved my already low blood pressure to dip way down where I would start to black out until the magical medication was given to give me a boost and then would rocket up where I would get hot, sweaty, and naseaus.  Then back to hypotensive where I would say it's going down again only to look up and see the numbers start to plummet (sometimes ignorance in this department would be better). Knowing how I reacted last time and with the wonderful anesthesiologist pre-medicating for this occurrence it was a much better experience and less scary. When our little guy came out he screamed and in my head I counted. One, two....pause.  That was when Ezra was whisked away, after his second scream. The wait for the third scream seemed like forever but when it came I could breath a little lighter.  This time Jeff could stand up every once in awhile and look over at the isolette to make sure everything was still going well. The whole OR team was so wonderful and spoke to my fears.  From our amazing OB doc saying instantly "Look at how much amniotic fluid there is. There is more then adequate! Look at all this hair! He's a nice size baby Nicole. Just look at how much hair he has! " excitedly and commenting on how my tissue looked, etc. to continuing to the pediatrician and various other staff commenting on things of how the baby was doing loud enough so we could hear them.  Probably not all things they normally comment on but they were so welcomed.  I then got to hold him as they continued to stitch me up and Jeff got to be right by both of us admiring him and watching him suck on his fingers and reveal his adorable little dimple and that was also surreal.  They wheeled me back to recovery and spent the first minutes slightly concerned as the blood pressure cuff was reading my b/p 225/201 consistently on both arms and with a cuff change and wire change.  Thankfully it was the actual monitor on the wall and the travel monitor showed to be normotensive and everyone could breath a little easier (the first time it wasn't me holding my breath ;)). The following three days had so many emotions but there is not one name to those emotions.  As much happiness and relief that those days brought it was when we walked out to the car, put his car seat in, and started to drive away was when reality hit and finally an emotion with a name came-pure joy. Tears rolled and Jeff just smiled. That was one of the best and most beautiful drives we've ever had. We walked into the house and the same feeling hit.  All the anxiety, the fear, and the unexplainable feelings melted into happiness soup.  I still feel like a new mom worrying about every detail and sound and activity he makes, catching myself analyzing his moves for a seizure, and just waiting for something to be wrong.  But overall those worries have been minimal when compared to all of the good emotions. God is good.  Through the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly times.  Even when plans don't go the way we want and satan's tactics tend to blind us of His goodness.

A huge thank you to all of you who prayed for us that day and have continued to do so.  I hope to write about that morning someday in the near future but for now please know how much they were felt, appreciated, and answered in so many ways.

(Thank you so much Sharon at Three Irish Girls photography for capturing these beautiful moments.)