Friday, Oct. 7 u/s

Our ultrasound appointment was changed from Thursday to Friday.  We didn't physically see Dr. Moore but he did come over from his clinic to look at the images together with the perinatologist we did meet with.  Long story short, things have been progressively getting worse as they had predicted.

Our hearts ache deep in pain.  Having reality settle in that the chances of survival for our baby are very, very slim is hard and there is no way around that.  Seeing all the images pulled up together from our first u/s until now and seeing our precious baby's health going this direction is just plain heart wrenching. The new perinatologist was very thorough and meant well but because it was his first time meeting us we had to relive all the information, details, and poor prognosis all over again which just threw more salt in the open wound.  Because we can't change that we are trying our best to embrace this time of struggle and focus on the good, allowing the one who created this precious child to take the wheel.  Although it's hard not to feel as if God is silent regarding healing our baby during this time he has shown us in so many other ways that he is near and we continue to lean on him and walk by faith, not by the things we are physically seeing and feeling during this difficult time.  We still don't know what lies ahead but He does and that's really all the matters, even though we tend to want to take control. Through our tears, sadness, frustration, and fear God has given us an indescribable joy. Definitely not a happiness, but just a deep joy. This definitely isn't saying that we don't have dark days, we have many and there are also many days that our emotions run wild.  But through those days we still know God is near, waiting for us to release our worries and anxieties to him and wanting us to rejoice and give thanks in each day that was given to us with this little one.  We are going through the book of Job right now and as depressing of a book as it is, it's oddly encouraging to us and has been much more applicable to our life now then ever before.  

Here's a summary of what we found out on the u/s.  There appears to be a little more then normal fluid in one of the ventricles in the brain.  The head shape seems to be a little more oblong- probably due to the breach position of the baby and the compression being placed on it.  The heart still appears strong which we are loudly rejoicing about! However, the chest itself does not appear to be growing, meaning lung tissue development may not be increasing so we continue to have that be a major prayer request.  The abdomen is grossly enlarged with fluid. Again, this is good and bad. The bad is the fluid is staying in the body meaning somewhere in the urinary system there is a leak or rupture.  The good (which is a great praise) is that there might still be some kidney function left as of now.  Everything in the urinary tract system has been affected so nothing looks 'normal' so to have some kidney function is a miracle in itself at this point.  Because the baby's abdomen is so large it does increase the chance of cord compression and therefore a still birth, so another prayer of ours is for protection over this little one and Nicole. It also causes some extra discomfort for Nicole since the baby is growing much more rapidly (in the abdomen) then normal and the growth of Nicole's belly isn't able to grow fast enough to compensate for this.  The femur growth decreased a little but it still is on the realm of the growth curve, another praise.  There is still pretty much no amniotic fluid left since it is staying inside the body.  The overall census is still that we can keep the baby in the womb as long as possible to try and mature every other area even though we may be risking kidney function which is a very hard balance but so many other things come about with a premature baby that it may be our best and only chance.  

I know we keep saying this but we really can't tell you how much we have appreciated the support and prayers.  We have been so humbled by all of the love and people who have reached out to us-many who have known us for years and others who just met us.  God is good, even through our trials and suffering, and we continue to thank him for placing each and every one of you in our lives.

Music has been a great retreat for us, especially during our sleepless nights Pandora has became our best friend when nothing else seems to help. This song in particular has been a great encouragement to us and kind of our theme song for us during this time and wanted to share it with all:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XQan9L3yXjc


With love,
Jeff & Nicole

We live by faith, not by sight. - 2 Corinthians 5:7

Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. -1 Thessalonians 5:18

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us. -Romans 5:3-5