We've had a fun filled yet super busy last few weeks with lots of company and adventures exploring San Diego, and up the coast. It's been a nice distraction, so much fun seeing friends and family, and a good way to get us out and about. But even with all the fun and distractions healing and grieving still has to continue to happen. The mind is a beautiful thing but can also cause lots of confusion and emotions if not in check. One huge thing we have had to learn is how to get good at differentiating between truths and lies. With the help of some very wise people who forewarned us that this part of the grieving process would be coming on strong and with each other we have been able to work through these thoughts. This is a struggle not only in times like these but all the time, however, when it's about something so close to your heart it seems even harder to get the lies out. The main thing we have learned when those thoughts first come to mind is taking the first step which is to differentiate between convictions vs. accusations. One of those coming from our mighty savior and the other from the evil one. Two words that seem so similar yet are so different. At times it seems hard to differentiate but over time and with wise guidance it has become easier. Convictions are those that have been used to grow us, specifically our character. Even though it's hard to admit at times through my stubbornness God can and has used this painful time for good. One of those ways is through these convictions and therefore refining our character flaws. Things we may have not known that were flaws or sinful natures have became crystal clear through these convictions. One may think that's pretty harsh and not so helpful but in truth it's the complete opposite and many positives have came out of it, the biggest one being changes in our hearts. Getting to know your true self in a very raw, black and white form has been eye opening yet helpful and humbling. The other form is accusations. These took a while to get a grasp on and get control over and at times still continue to be a struggle. The best way we can describe these thoughts are ones that don't build character but does the opposite which is tears us down, little by little, piece by piece. Rather then directing at a specific downfall in our character it takes a blow in a more generalization form which easily leads an overall sadness and depression with a domino effect of emotions and thoughts. Being an ICU nurse for the last 9 years has been really helpful in many ways during this whole process but it's also came with it's downsides, this being one of them. There's not a great way to explain this without writing a long book but the best way I can describe it is that having the knowledge and experience has complicated things quite a bit in the mind games of accusations and causing little things out of the blue to trigger those thoughts. That being said, finally getting to the point of being able to differentiate these thoughts of negative accusations versus the positive convictions has been a huge help and we are thankful that God is so much bigger then those accusations to help keep us out of the darkness when we allow Him to and trust Him to do so.
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On a side note, we went hiking at Point Loma today. Pictures don't do it justice but, wow, was it beautiful!
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