Happy 1 month Heavenly Birthday Ezra

Yesterday marked one month since Ezra left us here. The morning started like a normal Thursday as we hustled to get ready and into the car to take Mikayla to school. As we were finishing up packing her lunch my phone buzzed. It was our dear friend Ali.  Ali's son, Samuel, was Ezra's neighbor.  A neighbor we were strategically placed next to when we moved to a private room in part by one of our primary nurses, Linda.  Linda knew Ali well because her family's journey in the NICU had started a few months before us in July.  After getting to know me as well Linda was determined that we needed to meet.  Something was placed on Linda's heart and she knew we would be good for one another.  I, of course, envisioned that something being us celebrating getting out of the NICU together with our two little blessings and building a lifelong friendship based on that. I can't tell you how wrong I was about that part but how ever so grateful I am that Linda listened to her heart.  Ali, her husband Jared, and Samuel quickly became staples in our journey with Ezra in the NICU and our friendship has continued to grow afterwards, meeting up with each other at the zoo and checking in with each other almost daily to help support and pray for each other with our struggles and praises, especially as Samuel continues to surpass expectations unbeknownst to medical reasoning.  All that being said, a text from Ali was not unusual but it was a little earlier then normal.  As I open it my heart sank and my eyes welled up with tears for her prayer request.  I won't go into details because it's not my place to do so but Samuel had a very rough night, one that required that dreaded call at 2 a.m. that Ali needed to come to the hospital and her husband, who had just left on a plane for work the day before, needed to immediately come back.  Long story short, Mikayla was dropped off at school, Rachel graciously came to take care of Malachi again, and I headed up to the Radys Children's Hospital for the first time since we left there exactly one month ago to sit with Ali as she waited for Jared to arrive.  When I was driving down there on yet another unusual rainy San Diego day my mind was racing and my eyes full of tears of sadness and frustration.  What in the world are your trying to teach us here Lord? Why Samuel? Why this beautiful family? Why now?  As I pulled into that all too familiar parking garage and walked the path into Radys that we had gotten to know so well, indescribable feelings filled me.  Instead of going by the front desk with my green band and up the elevator I turned and sat in the lobby because this time my role was different.  As I waited I was able to truly sit and pray for the first time since Ezra's passing. Then it came again, something I haven't felt in weeks.  That same peace and joy in the midst of all the pain. Although we don't know God's reasoning as to why He has allowed these bad things to happen it is clear that He does know what we need to get us through these times and His hand has been so strategically placing people in our paths to help support us through these bad things.  Just as Ali has been a shoulder to cry on and a listening, understanding, and reassuring ear for all of my fears and doubts so many times for me, I was honored to be able to do the same for her yesterday.  All because God placed these two baby boys in our lives we have a deep, indescribable understanding for one another that will never go away or be replaced.  And through the millions of questions, thoughts, and dark emotions that come to our minds we are able to know the exact same feelings and pass no judgement on one another but instead hold and encourage one another as we work through them.  And most importantly know that we are not alone in this unexpected journey life as taken us. He knew we would need one another and thankfully Linda listened.

It was by no mistake that Linda also happened to be working yesterday (not to mention wearing the same scrubs as she was exactly a month ago :) ) and all three of us were able to be reunited with understanding hugs and more tears welling up in our eyes with one another, tears that none of us easily show to others.  Only God can orchestrate these type of friendships happening in such a big, big world.

On Ezra's behalf I ask for prayers specifically for wisdom for Jared and Ali, and for the healing of precious Samuel.