Taking the Escalator

As the new year starts so do new beginnings for people with many new years resolutions (even though statistics say that only about 8% of those resolutions stick :)). New beginnings always make me think of a fresh start with a large dose of new energy to come alongside it.  A positive time to make a grand change or erase the old and start with a fresh slate.  In the past few weeks we are now realizing more then ever that new beginnings don't always start out with a smiley face and a bowl full of energy bites. Like I mentioned last post, this new beginning that we (along with so many others maybe just in different ways) are on is hard and it stinks.  We thought maybe we hit the bottom of the 'let down' right before Christmas and that we were starting to make our way back out of the dark hole but the last couple weeks made it known that our new beginning is going to hurt and take awhile until we get up out of the darkness.  Rather then give us the normal energy one feels a new start should, this new beginning has completely zapped all our energy away many times and we've learned over and over we can't only rely on our own strength to get up.

We know there are three routes to get out of this darkness and out of a deep hole to start our new beginning- taking an elevator, the stairs, and an escalator- and we've tried all three. We first tried the elevator. We hopped right on thinking it was the fastest and easiest way out of the darkness and pain.  By doing so we ignored and hid emotions and didn't allow the proper healing to happen on each emotion.  And when we fell off we fell hard and from high up so we were left with more hurt and pain by skipping over emotions and questions that needed to be dealt with and healed properly. After we figured out the elevator wasn't going to work we took the stairs thinking we'll let our emotions work themselves out in a semi-organized, step by step fashion rather then ignoring them and trying to cover them up. Also, this way when we hit the days that we fell backwards we would only slip down a few stair steps instead of a few stories with nothing behind us to catch us like the elevator. The railings for these stairs resembled all the support we have been and continue to be given.  So many of you continue to be right there to help us pull ourselves up one stair at a time and we are so incredibly appreciative of it, more then words can say, so we don't have a long fall off either side of the staircase either.  The problem with taking these stairs is that we were relying on our own strength get out of the dark hole because of anger at God and a "I can do it myself" attitude.  Strength which neither of us have right now so it got pretty ugly as we tried to drag ourselves up and over each one. That left us with our third choice of escape from the darkness, which is the escalator with the same side railings of support.  It is still like the staircase in the sense that we were taking it one step at a time and there are times we still fall backwards yet it is not as far.  But unlike the stairs where we were relying on only our own strength to move upward we have a motor constantly assisting us every way with every step and every emotion.  That motor is God's arms wrapped around us and giving us only strength that He can give us to get us to the next step.  Even if we are unable to physically move forward He is there continuously lifting us up one step at a time, including those times that we just want to stop and just be mad, even at Him.  Just as an escalator is continuous we know His love for us is also continuous. Even though there are days that we try to fight against and resist Him with our emotions, many being directed at Him, He will continue to light our path and lift us up out of the darkness so it's not as big of a struggle going up each stair step nor do we have such a big fall backwards when those days come too.

Unlike the millions of new year's resolutions with new beginnings and resolutions that can fail and life can move forward this one we aren't able to allow to fail if we want to move forward.  Which is why we have chosen the escalator and started at the first step of the esclator which was to just be held during this intense time of hurting.  We also know we are very much human and will slip backwards, even on the escalator at times, but by allowing Him to lift us out of the hole one step at a time no matter how far we fall backwards we will continuously be moving forward and up one step at a time with His light leading us and continuing to show his beauty in the midst of all the pain.