Day 1 & 2

Tuesday we had to make plans for the memorial service with our pastor and Wednesday we had to call the funeral home to make the arrangements to get Ezra and then go to the funeral home and make some more decisions. Right now it seems as if every decision is a hard one even if it seems insignificant.  But as hard as it was the funeral director did a great job and we are so thankful for people like her. As one can imagine making those decisions on all the details such as how many death certificates we would like and how exactly we want to honor his body were heart wrenching and surreal.  In between filling out paperwork and waiting we would look back at our pictures of Monday to be reminded of that peace we felt to try and ease some of the pain. Tuesday our minds and thoughts were pretty foggy but trying to adjust to the idea that we have another new normal to get acquainted with was tough and had a lot of emotions involved, not all of them being pretty.  We know this is part of the grieving process and will continue on for some time.  We will take it one step and day at a time to try and learn how to deal with these emotions yet not suppress them.  It's crazy how many emotions we can feel in a span of 10 minutes. Wednesday the fog was still there but slowly started to lift.  Reality started to set in and the emptiness feeling became more heavy on our hearts. Now that Ezra is gone it's hard not to question why it was his time to go among many other things.  It's pretty apparent that satan is working on these thoughts.  As we were talking through some of these thoughts we started talking about the book of Job again which we read during the middle of this journey.  We were reminded that Job didn't have any answers for the things that happened in his life yet for years now his experience has helped and been referenced by many people.  We were reminded that just like Job we don't know why God allowed this to happen, where this will lead us in the future, or who it will allow us to connect with we may not otherwise would have connected with.  I didn't put it together at the time but as I write this it just dawned on me that after I dropped Mikayla off at AWANA Wednesday night a beautiful woman came up to me who I have never really talked to and gave me a hug.  As her arms were wrapped around me she told me the pain we shared as she just lost her nephew two weeks ago and has been staying with her sister ever since.  We would've never experienced that pain or moment of understanding with each other if we wouldn't have lost Ezra.  That doesn't answer all the questions or make this time of darkness go away but it was a small reminder that Ezra's story and purpose is not finished even though he's no longer physically here and that is comforting.

Thank you for the continued prayers and support that so many of you have given us as we figure out our new normal that involves an emptiness.  Your words of kindness are very much appreciated.

With love,

Jeff & Nicole