"What a Blessing"
When we were in public places after we found out about the issues with Ezra in utero the most common phrase from those who didn't know about the diagnoses was "What a blessing!" followed by many questions with excitement in their voices of "When are you due?" "Oh, a Christmas baby!" "Is it a boy or girl?" "Wow, you are going to have your hands full!". All legitimate and very appropriate questions and statements given a pregnant woman was standing in front of them. However, inside our heads the answers were different then what our smiles showed or the generic answers we gave. At first we tried our best to nod through the questions even though each one brought little bits of pain tearing away deep inside as we were reminded what we were facing in the future. These were the real responses we were thinking- We hope December 19. We would love to have a baby still at Christmas. It's a boy but had it been a girl we wouldn't have the same issues. We can only hope that we will have our hands full. Eventually we got to the point of being up front and honest about the situation because answering questions with those generic answers instead of the real answers forced smiles that didn't seem like we were lying but it also didn't feel like we were telling the complete truth either and many people saw that our emotions on our faces didn't completely match what our responses were. So instead of answering December 19 we started to answer that our goal is December 19 but we are thankful for every day we keep him in followed up by a quick explanation that the baby has some serious medical issues and we aren't sure what the overall outcome will be. Not so we would have people feel sorry for us because honestly that wasn't helpful either, nor was it what we wanted, but to avoid the five follow up questions to not be so painful each time. That stopped many of the normal questions but sparked other questions which for us were easier and less painful to answer. In fact we were happy to answer them because it was helpful for us to layout the facts and would prefer to talk about it that way then have to explain to those that would later see us again without the baby bump and no infant seat and then question what happened to our baby afterwards. As people tried to find the words to say or give us a hug, all things we very much appreciated, many times their excitement for our blessing was also gone. However, we were able to have our excitement and smiles of having a new baby finally be real. Sounds crazy we know. Somehow during that time God showed us that despite the very different answers then expected, the pain, the uncertain outcome, and the many sleepless nights worrying, we learned what the phrase "what a blessing" truly meant, and how we could still be excited about baby Wilde #3 like we were with our previous two babies. It wasn't the normal healthy baby that we once had thought of when people, including us, used that phrase. I even distinctly remember driving to the 20 week ultrasound as Mikayla excitedly talked about what we were going to see and my response after an explanation was "...as long as she/he is healthy and everything is normal we'll be happy." That was what we wanted because that would bring us the most joy, right? We quickly found out that although we would've been more then happy to have a healthy baby the real answer to that was "no". There was nothing very normal about this pregnancy. The fast rate my pregnant belly was was growing wasn't even normal. Despite almost everything being abnormal we were able to experience deep joy, hope, and love during a time that we also experienced the pain and the heartache.
A little baby whose unknown outcome that caused so much stress but also caused our family to cling tighter together then ever before and strengthened our faith. That same baby allowed us to experience and grow relationships with people that we now have deep roots with that we would've never formed had we not been in this situation, many of those people we wouldn't have even met. The prayers and support that were brought together and unified by those we know and many we didn't know from all over. All because of one little unhealthy, abnormal baby boy. We quickly realized that a blessing is not defined by health and not always without pain or suffering but rather by the gift of joy it gives you despite the other things that come with it. This isn't to say that our other two children aren't a blessing because they were the normal healthy pregnancy/babies but to say that despite the circumstances Ezra was the same gift to us, a true blessing.
The definition of what a blessing is was made more evident when seven days before Ezra's birth my sister in law and brother had a miscarriage at 17 weeks and lost their baby boy, Bennett, and one day after that Jeff's sister and brother in law welcomed a healthy baby boy, Leo. All three of these boys born in the same week were a true blessing because each of them brought joy to the people who love them even though all three of them had very different paths. This experience has allowed us to now look at not the circumstance that surrounds the baby but what the baby brings into the world as to "what a blessing" means. True joy, and therefore blessings, can be found in many situations and people.
If you come across someone who isn't experiencing a normal pregnancy know that this doesn't mean their baby is less of a blessing to them and they aren't excited to welcome a little one into the world even though they are full of fear and unknowns at the same time. After talking to the other NICU parents that we met that phrase and excitement is still what parents want to hear and feel, just maybe with a little more caution depending on the circumstance. Regardless of the grief the situation is bringing, the number of tubes, medications, and surgeries ahead, or even how much time we are granted to even have these little ones with us, there is also much joy, hope, and love found in that precious little one and that to us is the gift of a true blessing.
A little baby whose unknown outcome that caused so much stress but also caused our family to cling tighter together then ever before and strengthened our faith. That same baby allowed us to experience and grow relationships with people that we now have deep roots with that we would've never formed had we not been in this situation, many of those people we wouldn't have even met. The prayers and support that were brought together and unified by those we know and many we didn't know from all over. All because of one little unhealthy, abnormal baby boy. We quickly realized that a blessing is not defined by health and not always without pain or suffering but rather by the gift of joy it gives you despite the other things that come with it. This isn't to say that our other two children aren't a blessing because they were the normal healthy pregnancy/babies but to say that despite the circumstances Ezra was the same gift to us, a true blessing.
The definition of what a blessing is was made more evident when seven days before Ezra's birth my sister in law and brother had a miscarriage at 17 weeks and lost their baby boy, Bennett, and one day after that Jeff's sister and brother in law welcomed a healthy baby boy, Leo. All three of these boys born in the same week were a true blessing because each of them brought joy to the people who love them even though all three of them had very different paths. This experience has allowed us to now look at not the circumstance that surrounds the baby but what the baby brings into the world as to "what a blessing" means. True joy, and therefore blessings, can be found in many situations and people.
If you come across someone who isn't experiencing a normal pregnancy know that this doesn't mean their baby is less of a blessing to them and they aren't excited to welcome a little one into the world even though they are full of fear and unknowns at the same time. After talking to the other NICU parents that we met that phrase and excitement is still what parents want to hear and feel, just maybe with a little more caution depending on the circumstance. Regardless of the grief the situation is bringing, the number of tubes, medications, and surgeries ahead, or even how much time we are granted to even have these little ones with us, there is also much joy, hope, and love found in that precious little one and that to us is the gift of a true blessing.
Thank you for sharing your heart, your faith and your journey with us. Ezra has taught many people many things. What a blessing all of the Wildes are to so many.
ReplyDelete